Saturday, 9 August 2014

The Three Employees


6.   Smoking
 Boss: …According to me there is nothing as harmful to health as smoking. You may say the effects of alcohol are worse but alcohol destroys only the person who drinks. Smoke is harmful to the smoker as well as those around him. Time and again I have advised you about the bad effects smoking has on health. You three were heavy smokers when you joined office. I had asked you to stop. If not possible in one go to slowly bring it under control and stop gradually. I hope you took it seriously and are making progress to that effect? It’s for your own good.
 Employee One: I controlled my habit sir. I now smoke only on special occasions like parties or when I meet old friends. It’s long since I last smoked.
 Employee Two: Me too sir. I used to smoke five a day. After your advice I reduced it to five a week, then two a week and now I smoke only twice a month, on the first and last day. Soon I’d stop that too.
 Employee Three: Now days I smoke only when I’m depressed sir.
 Boss: Oh, that’s good progress, given that you are carefree and cheerful most of the while. It must have been long since you last smoked?
 Employee Three: No sir, I smoked two on the day before.
 Boss: What?! But you were happy and smiling all day. What got you depressed enough to smoke two?
 Employee Three: I saw a movie sir.
 Boss: Which movie?
 Employee Three: Ringmaster.
 Boss: But that’s a comedy. What scene from ringmaster got you depressed?
 Employee Three: First they showed a documentary sir. They showed many people crying, sick rooms and cancer wards. It got me so depressed that I left the hall immediately for two quick shots.
 Boss: What documentary?
 Employee Three: The health department’s ‘smoking leads to cancer documentary’!!
-Ashok Sri Krishna

The Three Employees


5.  Promotion
 Employee One: This is not fair sir. We do our work and achieve targets better than him yet he’s the one you chose to promote.
 Boss: What are you talking about? No one is getting promoted.
 Employee Two: Don’t try to fool us sir. He told us himself. He was so happy about it.
 Employee One: He even said he’s getting his own personal cabin.
 Boss: We never talked about promotion. All I said to him today was about cleaning the office. Call him here, let me get to the bottom of this right away.
*
 Boss: I hear you have been going about claiming about having got promotion, what’s it all this about?
 Employee Three: Well, isn’t getting a room to yourself sort of like promotion?
 Boss: When did I say you could have a cabin of your own? All we spoke today was about cleaning the office.
 Employee Three: You did ask me to move all the old files and other useless things to the small room beside the bathroom.
 Boss: So?
 Employee Three: Everyone in office calls me a useless joker. So isn’t it fair that I move to that room myself?! But there is a problem sir. Most of the files and things in office are old and useless. I have moved them to the room but there isn’t enough space for me to set my table. We’ll need a bigger room!
 Boss: You *** ***. Get out before I lock you in there with those files.
-Ashok Sri Krishna