Wednesday, 31 December 2014

The Three Employees

8.  The Best Clients
Lunch time in office
Employee One: Have you guys ever seen a tax raid? That’s one experience I’ll never forget. One of our clients in the place I used to work before faced an Income Tax raid. It was splendid! They were so cool! They came in a car with nothing to show where they were from. They flashed their ID for just a second at the gate keeper and walked in without a word. Half an hour later they walked out the same way with all the client’s books and accounts.
Employee Two (surprised): They just walked out? ...With all the books of account? ...All?
Employee One: Yes. The client couldn’t do anything. He just stood by and watched. Later he was issued a notice. My pervious Boss, he was smarter than the department. Thanks to him the client didn’t have much of a loss.
Employee Two (still surprised): But they took all the books? And they left the same way they came?
Employee One: Yes, Anything wrong with that?
Employee Two: Yes, How did they carry all the books from the client’s place to their office?
Employee One: In a suitcase.
Employee Two (bragging): So your old boss had only small clients! Ha-Ha. I can’t believe that all the books of account fit into a suitcase! In the place I used to work before we took only big clients, clients with a large turnover. You should have seen the number of files they used to keep. One of them had faced an Income Tax raid too. They had to call a truck to carry away all the books they seized. A truck, can you believe it?
Employee One (softly): No. I certainly can’t believe it.
Employee Two (proudly): Can you imagine his turnover and the fees we charged for getting him out of the mess?
Employee One (laughing): No-no. What I meant was I can’t believe that there are such fools! Was it just that client or did your old boss have more fools on his client list?
Employee Two: What do you mean?
Employee One: First of all, when the tax inspectors came to raid why did he have to put all his books in front of them? He could have hidden away a few! Ok, maybe he was an honest fellow! But then a truck load of books?! He had a truck load of books in his office! That’s foolish. Who keeps a truck load of books and files? Isn’t that just waste of space? Just by having more space in office he could have had an even bigger turnover.  In the space used by the truck load of old files he could have had ten more sales persons! Did all your old clients have truck loads of files? They were very out dated. This is the era of computers. You should have advised them to have their account books and documents digitised. That day the only thing they carried away in their suitcase was a DVD. There’s another advantage of digitisation, all the seniors at the tax department are old men they don’t know how to dig deep into computerised accounts, but give them a hard copy, that would be the end of you!
Employee Three: I haven’t worked anywhere else nor have I seen a tax raid but I can tell you the clients we have here are the best. Let the department try as much as it wants, raid for as long as they like but they won’t find a single thing against any of our client’s! Some of them have half their accounts computerised and half on paper but most of them don’t have any accounts at all!

-Ashok Sri Krishna

Monday, 8 December 2014

The Three Employees

7.  Hospitalized
At hospital reception
Employee Three: I would like to see doctor S. Is he free right now?
Receptionist: Is the matter serious?
Employee Three: err...Yes...it’s quite serious.
Receptionist: Wait one minute sir I will arrange everything.
At office
Boss (angrily): He’s late again. Did anyone call him? What silly excuse did he have this time?
Employee Two: I called sir. But he didn’t answer.
Boss: Don’t tell me he’s still in bed.
Employee One: His phone sir, someone’s answered. (On phone) Yes hello...who is this? Who?  ... What?  ... Really?  ... When?  ... Is it serious? ... He said so himself?  ...
Employee One: He is at KK Hospital sir. He’s been admitted into the ICU.
Boss: What?! What happened? Is it serious?
Employee One: Yes sir. It’s quite serious. Apparently he said so himself.
Boss (angrily): Do you want me to shout at you or will you tell me what happened?
Employee One: He went to KK Hospital this morning sir. He wanted to see doctor S. He said it was serious. They admitted him immediately and are conducting various tests. They were worried about whom to contact, when we called.
Employee Two: Doctor S? He’s a heart specialist. How serious did they say it was?
Boss: He smoked a lot didn’t he? How many times had I warned him! Lets go, he may need our help.
At the ICU
Employee Three: Good Day sir.
Boss: Good Day, what happened?
Employee Three: I don’t know sir. I really don’t know!
Boss: You look alright. How are you feeling?
Employee Three: I’m feeling fine sir.
Boss: How can you feel fine when you have ended up in an ICU? They say it’s serious.
Employee Three (worried): Really sir? Am I going to die?
Employee One: What do you mean? Don’t you know what’s wrong with you? They said you came yourself to see doctor S and you said it was serious.
Employee Three: It’s my sister’s marriage next week. I came to invite doctor S. They were friends in school I wanted to surprise her.
Boss: What?!
Employee Two: Then why did you say you were serious?
Employee Three: She asked me if it was serious and I said it was so. Come on, marriage is quite a serious thing. So is finding old school friends and arranging a surprise.
Employee Two: Then why did you get admitted?
Employee Three: I already told you, I don’t know. The moment I said it was serious she made me sign a lot of forms and took away my credit card. Then I was surrounded by a few male nurses, they got me on to a stretcher and took me into all sorts of rooms all around the hospital. I don’t know how many tests have been performed. Then they gave me a bed here and asked me to sleep till the reports arrive. They even gave me a sweet tonic!
Boss (angrily): Fool! Get out of here and get back to work!
Employee Three: I can’t sir. Apparently there is something seriously wrong with me!
Boss: What?
Employee Three: They are shifting me from this cardiac ward to the mental ward! One of my brain scans showed that my intelligence is so low that it is a miracle I survived in the modern world for so long! They want to perform further tests to see how longer I can survive!
Employee One: But why did they scan your brain? Even though they misunderstood your visit, you had come to see a heart specialist, why scan your brain for that?
Employee Three: Don’t you know this is a multi-speciality hospital? Even if you come in with just a cold they scan every inch of you!!
Boss: Fools that’s what they are. They needed a scan to tell them that you are an idiot!

-Ashok Sri Krishna