Sunday, 21 May 2017

The Three Employees - 19

James Woodcraft
Employee Two (Pointing out the window): Look at that guy over there. Isn’t that him? James Woodcraft?
Employee One: What!? That’s the guy the author fellow is writing about these days?
Employee Two: That’s him all right. He’s the young man who owns a large estate in England.
Employee Three: I hear he's a fool. He just sits around in his mansion all day, doing nothing, but still falls into crazy situations.
Employee One: Really?
Employee Two: Yes. What else are rich foolish young men expected to do?
Employee Three: Exactly. It’s we, the common folk, who have all the brains and who do all the hard work.
Employee Two: Brains? I don’t think you have any and you hardly work!!
Employee One: We should stand together at times like these.
Employee Three: Exactly. I was thinking of finding some other author to write about us. It’s been more than a year since this fellow wrote about us and whatever he wrote about us wasn’t much good either. All his stories just made us look bad. It made people laugh at us.
Employee One: Just at you, mostly.
Employee Three: He has no time to write about us these days but has all the time in the world to follow this rich guy around on his Indian Tour.
Employee Two: He just wants to get more of the guy’s misadventures out of him so that he could write about them.
Employee One: Speaking of his misadventures did you hear of the first story of his? It’s called Muriel and Dave.
Employee Two: I hear that it became a big flop. I heard that the author fellow tried a lot to promote it and even sent it to a lot of his reader groups but he got no response for almost a month!!
Employee One: No one read it and whoever read it did not understand it.
Employee Two: Many didn’t even understand that this fellow, James, was the main character.
Employee One: I think it's about something which happened because this guy forgot the name of his best friend.
Employee Two: That’s just silly. How can anyone forget the name of his best friend?
Employee Three: I don’t blame him there. Sometimes even I forget your names!!
Employee One: Really?! But never mind, you're not actually a friend.
Employee Two: Some of his friends didn’t read his story. Others pretended to have read it. Some who did read it didn’t understand much of it. They asked him to explain a lot of what he had written and they still didn’t understand even after he explained twice!!
Employee One: They say it’s because the story is written in high standard English that people don’t understand.
Employee Two: They used to understand perfectly well when he wrote about us.
Employee Three: Does this mean we are low standard?
Employee One: Do you know anyone who actually read the story?
Employee Three: I read it every day!!
Employee Two: What?! Whose side are you on?
Employee One: What would you understand of the story anyway?
Employee Three: Nothing. I understand nothing of it but the story came as a big relief to me.
Employee Two: What do you mean?
Employee Three: I always have to do some hard reading before I can sleep. I used to read ten pages of some big fat book printed in tiny letters before I managed to fall asleep. But then this story came. It has only four pages printed in normal font but I never make it past the second page!! I take it to bed with me every day and fall asleep almost as soon as I start off with it. No more lifting books that are heavier than me and no mere stressing my eyes with tiny letters. That story is the best thing that ever happened to me. It puts me to sleep better than anything else. Even sleeping pills aren’t as effective!! I wish the author fellow best of luck and hope that he comes up with more of such stories. I want another one ready in case I do finish this one someday!!
Employee One: I don’t think that will happen any time soon!!
-Vijayeendra Theertha

-Ashok Sri Krishna

Saturday, 13 August 2016

The Three Employees - 18

Hungry All Day
Employee Two was on leave, others greeted the Boss when he arrived in office.
Employees: Good Day Sir!!
Boss: Good Day, I know you guys can be bad but just how bad was your work yesterday?
Employee Three: Bad? I thought we worked rather hard yesterday! We didn’t even stop to have food!
Boss: Exactly, but was such hard work really necessary for yesterday’s small audit assignment? You should know how hard to work on a particular assignment. I don’t think what happened yesterday was hard work, rather it was a waste of time and energy. And what is this about going hungry all day? Your third partner called and informed me that he would be on leave today, apparently he’s having gas trouble because he ate nothing at all yesterday.
Employee Three: It can’t possibly be that bad, sir, he’s just making excuses to be on leave.
Boss: I want to know exactly how bad it was. On one hand you are claiming that you all worked so hard that you didn’t stop, even for lunch, but you did not complete the work on time.
Employee One: First of all we were late when we arrived on site, sir.
Boss: Why? You had left from office quite early.
Employee One: We lost our way, sir. The site is at a remote location far from the main city we didn’t know how exactly to get there.
Boss: Isn’t it somewhere near the state prison?
Employee One: We did ask for the state prison but the man we asked turned out to be a police man in plain clothes. He became suspicious of us and began questioning us on what business we had at the state prison!!
Boss: You had been there once before right? Didn’t you know the way?
Employee Three: The only other land mark I remembered other than the state prison was a field in which I had seen a peacock, sir! We were too scared to ask for the state prison after the police man left us so we decided to ask for the peacock!!
Boss (angry): Really? A peacock was your land mark?
Employee Three: Well, I thought since peacocks were rare in the area people might know in which field we can find one.
Employee One: But the apparently the peacock had been flying around, sir. We were directed to five different fields before we finally found the way to the site!!
Since we were late I thought perhaps all the papers would be ready for our inspection when we got there and that we could start right away but the people there are lazy fools. They hadn’t got even a single sheet of paper ready and said that it was because they didn’t know exactly what we needed.
Employee Three: We spent an hour after that telling them what we needed and arguing that since this was not the first time we were working there they should have known what to be kept ready.
Employee One: There were a huge number of papers to be verified and reconciled yesterday and they never gave a straight answer to most of our questions so it took a lot of time to get the work done.
Boss: All that is fine but what about going without food all day? Couldn’t you have stopped for lunch?
Employee One: If we had stopped for lunch we would have been more late and I didn’t want to leave the site till we were finished. What if they changed the figures or mixed up the papers when we were away?
Boss: You were done by around five. You could have had something after that on your way back.
Employee One: We did look for a place to eat but we didn’t fine one.
Boss: Really? You didn’t see a single diner on the highway?
Employee One: Most food joints on the highway are small and unhygienic, sir, I didn’t want to catch a stomach infection after eating from one of those.
Boss: That is no excuse for not eating. What do you have to say now that one of you has caught gas trouble, perhaps even acidity?
Employee Three: It’s just an excuse for taking leave sir! I’m sure. And it’s not as if we had planned to go hungry.
Employee One: Yes sir, I knew of a good place near here where they served really good food. I thought we could eat there and since I drive faster on an empty stomach I thought we could reach back faster.
Boss: So why didn’t you? Did you lose your way again?
Employee Three: May be it was because everyone else on the highway had eaten quite a lot, sir!
Boss: What do you mean?
Employee Three: Everyone else was driving real slow, sir!
Employee One: We got stuck in a traffic jam and crawled our way to the restaurant to find that they had closed for the day!!

-Ashok Sri Krishna