Wednesday, 16 July 2014

The Three Employees

4.  Two Birds With One Stone

 Everyone had gathered in the conference room.
 Boss: …so the profit is going to be quite high this year. Now, as I said, I don’t want to show a high profit and pay away a lot as taxes. So any suggestions on how to bring it down a little?
 Employee One (after a lot of thought): The old car sir; lets sell it real cheap and buy a new one in its place. That way we can write off the loss on sale of car to the profit and also claim depreciation on the new car.
 Employee Two: If you’re buying something buy new computers. The systems we use now are really outdated. Of course we can sell the old systems and charge the loss on sale to the profit. The depreciation claim will be higher too in case of computers.
 Boss (slightly irritated): Well, what do you want to buy?
 Employee Three: I don’t think this buying and selling will work sir. I’m sure the tax officer will be able to see right through our scheme. If we want to dress up a profit and loss account the best thing would be to go to the professionals about it.
 Boss: Ah, someone is talking sense at last! Well, what do you suggest we do?
 Employee Three: You should meet a Chartered Accountant, sir and discuss what we can do to raise the profit a little.
 Boss: Raise? You mean reduce.
 Employee Three: No sir I mean raise. If you spend two hours with a Chartered Accountant he will raise a splendid bill for consultancy fee. When we charge that to the profit it will be so low that we will be worried to bring it back to normal. So instead of taking a second consultation and a second bill for asking how to raise the profit it would be better off to ask in the first consultation itself about raising the profit. We can follow his advice after we have reduced the profit by charging his bill. It’s hitting two birds with the same stone.
 Boss: Splendid! How did you think of this? All this while I was thinking that you were the most silly of the three!
 Employee Three: Experience sir. Yesterday I heard you talking on phone about high profits and guessed what the discussion would be about today. I thought I would impress you with good suggestions to bring down profits and met with a Chartered Accountant. We spoke a lot. I didn’t understand most of what he said but do you know how much he charged me for the hour? You’ll be shocked!
-Ashok Sri Krishna

The Three Employees

3.   Robbed

 Boss (Looking into the Muster Roll): He’s late again. He’s been coming in late ever since his marriage and he comes with all sorts of lame excuses. What’s it this time?
 Employee One: This time it’s serious sir. He’s at the police station.
 Boss (Shocked): What?!
 Employee Two: He’s been robbed sir. He’s gone to file an FIR.
 Boss (being relieved and concerned): Oh really… One of you could have gone to help him. Do you know what happened?
 Employee Two: It was his greatest nightmare sir. In a way he was expecting it. He was always worried about being robbed. He lives in a small one BHK apartment. It isn’t such a clean, calm and peaceful area; surrounded by all sorts of people. He was worried about something like this.
 Employee One: His luck was changing sir, with marriage. His mother and uncles had gifted him many valuables; old family heirlooms, jewellery, some antiques and some cash. His wife had brought a lot as dowry too, though he had refused. He was finally hoping to see better times.
 Employee Two: This of course got him more worried than he already was. He went out of his way to prevent a robbery. He took all sorts of precautions. He brought a mini locker and a dog. He was planning to shift to somewhere better soon but for the time being he was satisfied.
 Employee Three: Good Day Sir. Sorry I’m late. I was at the police station…
 Boss: I know they told me. So how did it go? Any progress? Did you have any suspects? Did they make you pick from their usual crime records or did they make a sketch?
 Employee Three: Suspects? Sketch? Why make a sketch when I had a photo?
 Boss (Surprised): You mean, you know who robbed you? You saw the thief?
 Employee Three: Yes of course I saw.
 Boss: How did you get a photo? Do you have CC TV Cameras at home?
 Employee Three: No, I had a photo all along.
 Boss: What do you mean?
 Employee Three: It was my wife sir, she’s gone and she took my dog! He was a good breed sir, a trained watch dog! He was worth about twenty five thousand.
 Employee Two: You mean to say your wife ran away with your dog?!
 Boss: Well, at least you still have all the valuables and your money.
 Employee Three: I hope so sir.
 Boss: What do you mean?
 Employee Three: Sometimes I forget sir, so it was my wife who had the password to the locker!
-Ashok Sri Krishna