Saturday, 13 August 2016

The Three Employees - 18

Hungry All Day
Employee Two was on leave, others greeted the Boss when he arrived in office.
Employees: Good Day Sir!!
Boss: Good Day, I know you guys can be bad but just how bad was your work yesterday?
Employee Three: Bad? I thought we worked rather hard yesterday! We didn’t even stop to have food!
Boss: Exactly, but was such hard work really necessary for yesterday’s small audit assignment? You should know how hard to work on a particular assignment. I don’t think what happened yesterday was hard work, rather it was a waste of time and energy. And what is this about going hungry all day? Your third partner called and informed me that he would be on leave today, apparently he’s having gas trouble because he ate nothing at all yesterday.
Employee Three: It can’t possibly be that bad, sir, he’s just making excuses to be on leave.
Boss: I want to know exactly how bad it was. On one hand you are claiming that you all worked so hard that you didn’t stop, even for lunch, but you did not complete the work on time.
Employee One: First of all we were late when we arrived on site, sir.
Boss: Why? You had left from office quite early.
Employee One: We lost our way, sir. The site is at a remote location far from the main city we didn’t know how exactly to get there.
Boss: Isn’t it somewhere near the state prison?
Employee One: We did ask for the state prison but the man we asked turned out to be a police man in plain clothes. He became suspicious of us and began questioning us on what business we had at the state prison!!
Boss: You had been there once before right? Didn’t you know the way?
Employee Three: The only other land mark I remembered other than the state prison was a field in which I had seen a peacock, sir! We were too scared to ask for the state prison after the police man left us so we decided to ask for the peacock!!
Boss (angry): Really? A peacock was your land mark?
Employee Three: Well, I thought since peacocks were rare in the area people might know in which field we can find one.
Employee One: But the apparently the peacock had been flying around, sir. We were directed to five different fields before we finally found the way to the site!!
Since we were late I thought perhaps all the papers would be ready for our inspection when we got there and that we could start right away but the people there are lazy fools. They hadn’t got even a single sheet of paper ready and said that it was because they didn’t know exactly what we needed.
Employee Three: We spent an hour after that telling them what we needed and arguing that since this was not the first time we were working there they should have known what to be kept ready.
Employee One: There were a huge number of papers to be verified and reconciled yesterday and they never gave a straight answer to most of our questions so it took a lot of time to get the work done.
Boss: All that is fine but what about going without food all day? Couldn’t you have stopped for lunch?
Employee One: If we had stopped for lunch we would have been more late and I didn’t want to leave the site till we were finished. What if they changed the figures or mixed up the papers when we were away?
Boss: You were done by around five. You could have had something after that on your way back.
Employee One: We did look for a place to eat but we didn’t fine one.
Boss: Really? You didn’t see a single diner on the highway?
Employee One: Most food joints on the highway are small and unhygienic, sir, I didn’t want to catch a stomach infection after eating from one of those.
Boss: That is no excuse for not eating. What do you have to say now that one of you has caught gas trouble, perhaps even acidity?
Employee Three: It’s just an excuse for taking leave sir! I’m sure. And it’s not as if we had planned to go hungry.
Employee One: Yes sir, I knew of a good place near here where they served really good food. I thought we could eat there and since I drive faster on an empty stomach I thought we could reach back faster.
Boss: So why didn’t you? Did you lose your way again?
Employee Three: May be it was because everyone else on the highway had eaten quite a lot, sir!
Boss: What do you mean?
Employee Three: Everyone else was driving real slow, sir!
Employee One: We got stuck in a traffic jam and crawled our way to the restaurant to find that they had closed for the day!!

-Ashok Sri Krishna 

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

The Three Employees - 17

Questions
Boss read the question:
Iconik Financial Services Ltd., provides various financial services including but not limited to maintenance of demat account, advising the clientele, studies/analysis of scrips. Mr. A, is a newly qualified Chartered Accountant, who is appointed as finance officer in the accounts department. He seeks your help with regard to revenue recognition. Can you please help?
Boss: You say the exam was tough? You say this question is confusing?
Employee One: Yes sir, the question certainly raises a lot of questions!!
Employee Two: We thought a lot about it sir. We spent an hour after the exam discussing it.
Boss: What’s confusing about it? The question itself says what it is about. It is about revenue recognition. It is a simple question. If you just mentioned AS 9 you would have gotten some marks.
Employee Three: It is not that simple sir. No question they ask in a CA Final exam is simple. You have to put quite a bit of thought into it before you answer.
Boss: Oh really? May I know what you guys thought and answered?
Employee Three: For a start sir, this guy Mr. A, is a Chartered Accountant. He is not some poor guy sitting in an exam hall who has to know everything by memory. He can refer any book he wants. There are the standards, guidance notes, ICAI website, ICAI helplines and lot more sources. Instead of going for all that he is asking me! Me of all people!!
In the answer I wrote down references for him. I wrote down list of books (with page numbers for quick reference!), list of websites and for live consulting I even gave your phone number sir!!
Employee Two: I thought deeper of it than that sir. The question clearly says newly qualified Chartered Accountant. Newly qualified means he’s only just passed the course in the previous attempt. So how come he doesn’t know something as simple as the revenue recognition standard? Did he forget something which he only just learnt or is it that he hadn’t learnt it? And if he hadn’t learnt it how come he qualified? Does it go to hint that there is corruption in the Board of Studies? How did this guy who doesn’t even know about AS 9 pass the exam?
I wrote the answer honestly sir, that I don’t know either and that I am willing to pay as much as Mr. A did for getting the necessary marks to pass!!
Employee One: I thought about it the way a professional would sir. I imagined myself to be a Chartered Accountant who was about to give advice!
Boss (Irritated after hearing the first two): And what advice did you give?
Employee One: None sir!!
Boss: Why? I thought at least you had some sense! Did you too think like these fools?
Employee One: I thought like a professional sir. A professional should take a wide and skeptical view of things. He shouldn't take anything for granted. That is what they thought us in the Audit Paper!! I analysed the information I had. This guy was a Chartered Accountant, a newly qualified Chartered Accountant. But then there was something not right. This guy had taken up a job as a finance officer in an accounts department. Wasn’t that strange given the huge demand they say Chartered Accountants have in the industry? Why go for a clerical job involving accounting and revenue recognition after qualifying as a chartered accountant? So clearly this guy was a dim wit or he was lying about being a Chartered Accountant!!
Then there were more questions to consider. How did this guy get the job in the accounts department when he did not even know about AS 9? And why or rather how did he come to me with the question. He had only just joined on the job. There would certainly be seniors in the department who could help him out. Instead of going to them why was he asking my help? Was he authorized to ask for help from outside the organisation, that too when the question was about something so simple which any senior could have sorted out for him? If he didn’t have the authority to ask help from outside then he was showing lack of integrity and professional behavior. His asking help from outsiders could lead to information leakage and loss of corporate image to the company. Clearly he was acting without thinking and sooner or later he will be charged for professional misconduct!! I don’t want to get mixed up in all that sir! You won’t find me abetting professional misconduct!!
Boss: Good, you have proved that you have studied well for the auditing paper.
Employee One: Thank you sir.
Boss (angry): Idiots…what do you mean thank you…you bunch of fools…***…***
-Ashok Sri Krishna

Saturday, 13 February 2016

The Three Employees - 16

 The Elephant
The boss was called to the hospital where his three employees had been admitted after having suffered a lot of injuries.
Boss: What happened to you all? Were you beaten up? Was there a fight just like last year? Who did this? Should I file a complaint?
Employee One: I don’t think filing a complaint would make things any better sir.
Employee Two: Make things better! It won’t do a thing at all. I don’t think you can even file a complaint at all.
Boss: What do you mean?
Employee Three: I don’t think gossiping is a crime sir, even if men were doing it!
Boss: Will someone tell me what happened? I let you go to the temple and this is what happens, you all end up in a hospital with broken bones. Someone tell me who did this to you.
Employee Three: The Elephant sir!
Boss (Shocked): What?! Did the elephant run?
Employee Three: That was what we thought sir!
Boss (Angry): Tell me what happened or I’ll hit you all so bad you will need fresh stitches.
Employee One: When we reached the temple we were expecting a procession of god on top of the elephant but it was silent all around and there were very few people seen. A group of people were standing in a corner and talking about the elephant having run!
Employee Two: I also heard the elephant roar sir!
Boss: So what happened? You should have taken yourselves far from the place as possible not wait there for the elephant to get you.
Employee Two: That was what I did sir! I ran the moment I heard the roar.
Boss: So how did you get hurt? Did you fall?
Employee Two: No sir. I was running too fast and not looking where I was going. The moment I stepped on to the road from inside the temple I was hit by a two wheeler.
Boss: Fool, thank god it wasn’t a truck! Well, getting hit by a two wheeler is better than being kicked by an elephant. What about you two?
Employee Three: I fainted the moment I heard them and the roar sir.
Boss: Then what? How did you get injured? Did someone fall on you or step over you while running?
Employee Three: No sir. No one fell on me rather I fell on someone else.
Boss: What do you mean?
Employee One: There was a woman sitting there sir, he fell on top of her! She began screaming and suddenly there was a crowd of people who beat him up even though he was already unconscious!
Boss: Fools! What about you?
Employee One: I was calm and collected sir! I thought that it was an emergency situation and that I should help people out rather than lose my wits! I immediately dialled the police and the fire force and informed them of the elephant!
Boss: Good! Then what happened? Did the elephant get to you before they arrived? Did you get injured trying to save someone else?
Employee One: There was no angry elephant sir! The function had been delayed by an hour so very few people had arrived. The elephant had a habit of roaring while being decorated for the parade. And the men, they were talking about some other elephant which had run in some other temple last year! They told me all this when I asked them how bad was the damaged caused so far by the elephant.
Boss: So how did you get injured?
Employee One: The police took me into custody for making false calls on emergency numbers. They told me they would charge me with fine and let me go after that but when we got to the station they seemed to have changed their mind. They kicked me all over and even threatened to charge me on various grounds! They stopped only when they saw that I couldn’t even cry any longer!
Boss: The lesson you should learn from all this is that you should think well before you act! Look before you leap!
Employee Two: What! I thought you would say something that drivers of two wheelers should be more careful!
Employee One: Or that there was too much corruption and misuse of power in the police force!
Employee Three: Think before you act! Ha, tell that to that crazy woman! I didn’t act at all and I’m the one who got the most injuries!!
With prayers to Panjabjapuresha on the occasion of his temple festival

-Ashok Sri Krishna

Tuesday, 9 February 2016

The Three Employees - 15

Prayers
Boss: I hope that you all actually went to the temple yesterday and are not lying about it like you did on the day before?
Employee One: I did go sir! And I enjoyed the visit! They were distributing curd rice right in front of the temple. It was so tasty I had two plates full! There was such a crowd there I had to fight my way to get a plate. Some people almost beat me up when they saw me with a second plate!
Employee Three: I loved sitting near the temple elephant sir! I even hugged him!
Boss (shocked): What?!
Employee Two: He means the white wooden elephant sir!
Boss: Oh! And what about you?
Employee Two: I enjoyed the musical concert sir!
Employee One: I saw him there sir. They even let him sing!
Employee Three: Yes, by the time he started singing the second line there was a crowd around him trying to get him off the stage!
Boss: What else did you guys do?
Employee One: What do you mean sir? What else was there to do?
Boss: Didn’t any of you pray?
With prayers to Panjabjapuresha on the occasion of his temple festival

-Ashok Sri Krishna

Sunday, 7 February 2016

The Three Employees - 14

God Appeared in our Dream
Boss (angry): One thing I dislike most of all is lying. I hate anyone who utter lies. But you guys seem to do nothing but that.
Employee One: What happened sir?
Boss: So you don’t know what happened? Where were you yesterday?
Employee One: We were at the temple sir. We had told you. We had asked for leave. It’s festival time.
Boss: That’s what you said but where were you really? Have I ever refused to give you leave however silly your excuses? Why did you have to lie about having to go to the temple?
Employee Two: We did go to the temple sir.
Boss: Oh really? And what did you do there all day?
Employee Three: Of course we prayed sir.
Boss: So you must have prayed a lot?
Employee One: Yes sir, I prayed a lot. I prayed so much that the lord even appeared in my dream last night! He said that he was happy with me and that he would stand by me and protect me from anyone who thinks ill of me.
Boss: Really?
Employee Two: Must be sir! He had come in my dream too. He said that he was much impressed with my prayers. He said he’d forgive me for all the little wrongs I might have done. He said anyone who doesn’t will be cursed.
Boss: So he must be really angry at me for accusing you of lying. But are you sure of what he said? May be he was lying?
Employee One: God never lies sir!
Employee Three: Yes sir. In my dream too the lord said all these things. He also said that my boss was very fond of me and was planning to give me a promotion soon!
Boss: Really? Are you so sure of what he said? Are you sure that there is no chance that he is lying?
Employee One: Yes sir!
Boss: Well, the truth is that lord had appeared in my dream too! And he wasn’t the least bit happy with me. He mistrusted my devotion. He said that he knew that I hadn’t come to the temple yesterday out of devotion but rather to check on you idiots who weren’t in fact anywhere near the temple!
Employee Two: What?! You came to the temple to check on us?
Boss (angry): Yes, what else do you think?
Employee Three: I think we shouldn’t trust the lord sir! I mean think about it, he came to me in my dream but wasn’t even kind enough to warn me that he would be visiting you too and that I better be prepared with a good excuse!
Boss: Shut up you idiots...***...***
With prayers to Panjabjapuresha on the occasion of his temple festival

-Ashok Sri Krishna